Well...

If you're reading this and expecting questions ye shall be let down today. Why? Because I had intended Wednesdays to be full of questions that others wrote and this week no one sent me any. So, in light of that, here's a picture of a baby sloth.

Send in questions for next week or I'll f'in kill this sloth. Kill it with hugs.

Back on Track, Booya

The second post of the day and the first one that really belongs to getting slapped up here during my meager lunchtime. In case you forgot, I gots questions for you taken from media that I personally enjoy.

The first is from one of the strongest works from Italo Calvino "If on a Winter's Night a Traveler", which I say since it's also one of my favorite books. A story directed strait at the reader posing them with a very peculiar situation in trying to enjoy a good read, and see how it all unfolds. Here how it goes down...

1) You've just started a new book from an author you've been really wanting to read. You get so into the story in just the first chapter but when the chapter ends, the pages are blank. You take it back and they give you a new copy, saying the others were defective. Now the new copy is a different story and ends after the first chapter as well! Do you...

a) Shrug, figure you have two good journals now and get a magazine instead?

b) Find the rest of that book! No! Both of those books!

c) Throw a fit at the counter and demand compensation for your trouble?

d) Give up reading altogether, the Bacholer is on.

Secondly, after firstly, I want to talk a little bit about Hunter S. Thompson. The vagabond scribe for Rolling Stone magazine and inventor of Gonzo journalism. Like Che Guevara, if you're a guy 18-22 and you "inhale", you're gonna be a fan of him for at least a little while. Thompson had many an adventure, most of which, for what his truth is worth, have been contained in his books. So just for fun...

2) What would be your favorite Gonzo afternoon?

a) Take some mescaline and go swimming?

b) Take some adrenachrom (from human adrenaline glands you know) and wake up three days from now?

c) Check in a vegas hotel with intent to commit capital fraud on a head full of acid?

d) Grab a bottle of whiskey, golf clubs, golf balls, and a shot gun and see who can shoot the most out of the air?

Two in one day, I must be some kinda bored!

Monday's Gone Away

I had more than one thing to do yesterday so I wasn't able to multi-task and get this done! The ole better late than never clause is gonna come into effect here, I'll be posting the Tuesday questions by the end of today hopefully.

1) Would you rather...

a) Never have children?
b) Have octuplets?
c) Have one son who is a Minotaur and you have to keep him in a Labyrinth and feed him pre-teens?

2) Would you rather...

a) Always feel hungry?
b) Always feel thirsty?

3) Would you rather...

a) Find out that guy you hate at work is actually Jesus, your lord, savior, and office enemy?
b) Die, get sent to hell, and be horribly disappointed by the lack of creavity?

4) Would you rather...

a) Have the worlds strongest thumbs?
b) Have the worlds best sense of smell?

Hope your week has started out splendidly. Looks like we get that little bit of warmth mixed with rain today...I'll take it.

Love and Skin Socks

It's Friday, and I've done writ this for a whole week now. I'm a little bit proud. So for Fridays I want to talk about the subjects that I love most. Last week, my favorite of the blood sucking goats monsters, and today, in no way a change of pace, serial killers.

But as this is a daunting task full of many many facts that may, and some day possibly will, require a blog of their own. I'm going to focus on a few of the superstars of the sociopathic olympics.

Eddie Gein, the inspiration for Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, and even a little bit of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, is one of the darlings of the murder showcase. Today he'd probably even have his own PR rep. In 1945 when his overbearing, religious fundamentalist and psycho in her own right, mother, died of a series of strokes and left Ed alone in the farm house he grew up in, his decline into madness grew steadily until his arrest in 1957 under the suspicion of murders of at least six women. When the police raided his house they found several "homemade" items, including some pieces of clothing. So just out of curiousity...

1) If you were to shop at Gein Stylz on Michigan Ave, what would you buy? (These are all real Ed creations by the way, I'm not this clever.)

a) A necklace made of lips.

b) A vest derived from Women's chests and groins.

c) A nipple belt. (thats right, a whole belt of nipples, I said "at least" six women.)

d) A face mask, from a face.

Well now that you've got your fresh duds, you're going to be looking for a place to stay in the city so you can hit a few bars and not worry about driving home. It just so happens, that America's first serial killer H.H. Holmes built a hotel in the good ole Illinois and has a vacancy tonight. Holmes notorious hotel saw the end of yet an undetermined amount of travelers with several trap doors, rooms the locked from the outside, and a basement laboratory for examining and desposing of guests.

2) As you approach the counter, the smiling owner offers you several themed rooms, which do you choose?

a) The Gas Attack

b) The Big Drop

c) Slice N Dice

d) Or he could shoot you in the face right now

Finally you're all set for a fancy night out, you certainly won't be seeing the sun rise, so you might as well find some shady company to share your evening with. You head to the nearest bar and are met with a smattering of shift characters sitting around the bar. You grab a drink and survey the room.

3) Who do you strike up a convo with?

a) The uptight nervous chap with a button down shirt on and hair combed to the side?

b) The shaggy haired attractive hispanic fellow with piercing eyes?

c) The well dressed smirking man in the corner with a strong jaw?

d) The heavy set oaf with a moustache and dirt under his nails?

*For those of you who answer this I will be more than happy to tell you your fate*

That's it for the week. I'm having fun, are you? I know Lil Beezy is to some extent, high five Beezy. Katy Hawley? If you read this lets see some input, I need to profile you.

Just As Doc Brown Wants It

Thursday from now on shall be a tribute to the days of Yesteryear. Since we haven't had the opportunity to make many of the decisions that have faced folks for centuries, I want to bring some of those to you each week, until I run out of history.

Lets rap about Prohibition in America for today. The notorious ban of alcohol that started on January 16th in 1920 with the passing of the 18th Amendment and the Volstead Act. It lasted for a painful 13 years before it was finally repealed. During this time, if you were caught basically having anything to do with booze, you were subject of up to $1,000 fine (in the 20s!) or six month jail time if you couldn't pay it. Weak sauce. Well that makes my first question of the day easy.

1) Your 18th birthday (legal drinking age of the time) is January 17th 1920. Low and behold they pass the alcohol ban the day before and ruin all your plans to hang out with your friends and cruise for Flappers. Do you...

a) Risk it anyway considering the 5-0 will be out in full force to protect the new ban?
b) Concede to the new tyrannical standard and drink soda pop?

Someone had to help keep this new ban above water, and the police were busy enough with ruffians and, you know, Al Capone, so 3,000 jobs with the Prohibition Agency were created to act as watch dogs against illegal consumption. Of course this was a horribly difficult and demoralizing job where 10,000+ men held those 3,000 positions over a 6 year period. So I want to know.

2) You're broke as a joke. You got kids to feed. And even though you pissed and moaned about the Prohibition act like everyone else, you notice an ad in the paper for work. The money is alright enough. Do you...

a) Take the job, lose all your friends (no doubt) and struggle to fight a losing battle for the money?
b) Stay unemployed, sober, and filthy (they shut off your water).

Enjoy your Thursday friends, tomorrow I plan to talk about one of my favorite subjects. And if you know me, you'll guess it.

Wascally Wabbit

Today, on this wonderful Wednesday, I have questions written by the tiny collective of folks who give this a read once in a while. These are good, so be forewarned, you're gonna have some thinking to do.

Carolynn, a preschool teacher and avid Bill Murray fan, has concocted the following and wants to know...

Would you rather have, for the rest of your life...

a) Wet Socks

b) A Canker Sore

Mr. John Barna, a convicted sexual predator and avid Chris Hansen fan, has bemused this and wants to know...

If you could be transformed for one week into an inanimate object would you choose?

a) A football used on Super Sunday

b) Sarah Palin’s Wet Wabbit

c) Michelle Obama’s toothbrush

d) Britney Spear’s tube of Kwell

e) Dick Cheney’s penis

And Cassandra, a cartoonist, fellow classmate, and avid fan of Sweden, can't get over this and wants to know...

Would you rather...

a.) have a limp noodle for an arm that one day a Chinese emperor will eat mistaking it for his lo mein once you take a time machine back to that period where China had an emperor, and therefore reliving a life that isn't yours with no arm and being known as that person that got their arm eaten by the emperor -a sign to all threats against the Chinese empire to beware even though it was an accident.

b.) have a limp noodle for a penis which also has its own personality and a sinus infection.

I'm gonna go off and ponder my own answers. Thanks to all three of you for your input to my little slice of the internet. Have a great Wednesday friends.

Don't Think I'll Ever Make It On Time

Okay so, on Tuesday's I thought it would be fun to find scenario's in popular media, which will include books should I accidentally read one.

Today I'm taking cues from two classics of television. Both a tour de force in their own right. Begining with Extras, the BBC show from The Office creator Ricky Gervais. In the show, Maggie likes to ask Andy Would You Rather questions throughout, much to his dismay. Here's the one that finally drives him off the deep end.

Would you rather...

a) Be a penguin, so you're a bird, but you can't fly, but you can swim in the sea like a fish.

b) Be a flying fish, so you're a fish, but you can fly.

The other boob tube classic has to come from Saved By The Bell. Of course. Thanks to my lady Carolynn and her generosity, I've been able to fully appreciate the magic that was the mid 90s again from the comfort of my own home. So here's the campy conundrum.

Would you rather...

a) Sit in every chair backwards like AC Slater?

b) Always have your voice crack like Screech?

c) Have a mom who just let any strange kid into your house and let them knock on your bedroom door like Zach?

d) Have a traumatic caffiene pill addiction like Jesse?

e) Only have one hallway in your high school, two classrooms, a gym, and roughly 30 students?

That's what I got for today. I'd fancy your company tomorrow for questions written by other folks who have given this the time of day. Special guests include Lil Beezy, Farge, and more.

We Have Too Much Salad

So I had a thought this weekend, on the can where all my best are, that I could try cateogorizing these five days of the week when most fools have to work. It's worth a shot, so Monday is going to be Quickie day.

Nothing starts off the week right like a quickie. Yea, I made that easy joke.

1) Would you rather eat...

a) Cold Broccoli?
b) Bacon Dog Treats?

2) Would you rather...

a) Hit an animal (under 10lbs) everytime you drove your car?
b) Have children (under 10 years) cry at the sight of you?

3) Would you rather, for one entire day...

a) Wear boiling hot cast iron shoes?
b) Grip a hunting knife in a closed fist in each hand, by the blade of course?

What's Tuesday? F'in wait 24 hours. Much thanks to Cassandra for her interest. If you read this crap then her blog is over your head but here it is http://pillowteethwithpillowears.blogspot.com/