Thanks For Being My Friend

I don't know how often this is going to be updated, but hell, all I have to do is write questions. But if I find out you're reading this and you don't tell me your answers you better believe I'm gonna squeeze them out, because to me you're nothing but a question orange full of vitamin enriched answer juice.

Did you see? I have someone who wants to "follow" this dribble. Look off to the right, there he is. In celebration, todays brain busters are for Mr. John Barna. I googled your name Mr. B and I'm fairly certain this is what you look like because it's been a few weeks since I've seen you. Thanks Farge!

1) You've been at a bar all night with your friends, and for quite some time you've noticed a sexy slice of human throwing you glances. Finally, they start to saunter over to you. The look in their eyes says "I'm finna get you." Time slows down, your head swims, now you can distinctly hear "Oh Yeah" by Yello playing. Day Bow-Bow...Chick-Chick-Chicka-Chick-Ka....They get closer, you're sweating horribly, they get closer, your heart is pounding, closer still, your friends pass around High Fives because everyone knows what's about to happen. You're gonna get it on. They are within 26 inches from you now, you poise yourself to say something when a familar tingle hits your sinuses. Instinctively, your head reels back to load your nose gun and then you mercilessly fire a powerful sneeze all over their face, hair, and neck. Silence. Horrible silence. Everyone is staring at you, the look in their eyes now says "Snot!". Do you...

a) Stiff arm your love in the throat, plow them down and take off, never looking back.
b) Rub your face against theirs, spreading some of your sneeze onto your own face, in a desperate form of pre-courtship vows to share the good and the bad.
c) Scream for a napkin the way George Clooney screamed for scalpals in ER and clean that fools face, stat.



2) Something has laid eggs in your cheek. Is it...

a) A spider?
b) A toad?
c) An ostrich?



3) Would you rather...

a) Wait in a 45 minute line for every meal you want to eat?
b) Have all your bowel movements broadcast internationally?



And finally, I would definitely want to smell like Bananas, but not candy Banana, whatever that flavor candy industries have created that they call Banana is one of the most wretched deformed cousins from the hard shell Fruit Family.

Starting out Lame

What do I have that's new to offer the blog world? I did some googling and it seems very likely that my options are slim. So in an effort to keep this going and not getting discouraged like I always do with journals and the like, I'm going to dedicate the majority of this effort to creating "Would You Rather?" questions to spurn conversation or quickly end it.

Sure it tends to be a one-dimensional game based on options that near everyone would avoid if they could, but if the aversion is that strong by all means take a step back from this rabble and don't tell anyone you were here, I don't need "opinions" poisoning my temporary mystery.

I want to kick off this little exodus from the high brow with a topic very near and dear to my heart, The Chupacabra. In case you don't know, this mythic beast lives south of this here American border in Mexicolike and feeds off the blood of goats. The fact that there's actually some evidence of Chups (or possibly anything else) out there killing livestock is what tickles me more so than the ambiguous Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster. And yet Chups doesn't get nearly as much limelight as it's more popular brethren, probably because of a mix of it's unfortunate "appearance" and the fact that no one apart from pagans get their rocks off about goat blood. So in honor of the malevolent Chupacabra, I wish to pose the following questions about myths and shit. Responses are encouraged as these are questions, and questions kind of suck if no one ever answers them.

1) You're a wild vicious beast from one of Darwin's nightmares, would you rather...

a. Be captured and kept in captivity by scientists who perform primarily painless tests and occasionally parade you through the public.

b. Be revered as a God by native peoples, but hunted by bored rich white folks who want to put your head next to their replica Monet?

2) You've met the significant other of your dreams online. You trade headshots and chat for months before they finally ask you to come visit them. When you get there, you find they are, in fact, a centaur. Now they are the complete package as a mate, just with the bottom half of a horse. Do you…

a. Have a fun quasi-bestiality laden one-night stand?

b. Ride this out and see if there's really a connection?

c. High tail it out of there?

d. Put 'em down, sell their Birkenstock clad hooves for glue.

3) Would you rather…

a. Be the monster in some kid's closet?

b. Be that thing that brushes up against people's feet when they swim in the ocean?

c. Be the shadow that lurks down dark alleys?

Thanks for bearing with me so far. Maybe I'll see you around.