I don't know how often this is going to be updated, but hell, all I have to do is write questions. But if I find out you're reading this and you don't tell me your answers you better believe I'm gonna squeeze them out, because to me you're nothing but a question orange full of vitamin enriched answer juice.
Did you see? I have someone who wants to "follow" this dribble. Look off to the right, there he is. In celebration, todays brain busters are for Mr. John Barna. I googled your name Mr. B and I'm fairly certain this is what you look like because it's been a few weeks since I've seen you. Thanks Farge!
1) You've been at a bar all night with your friends, and for quite some time you've noticed a sexy slice of human throwing you glances. Finally, they start to saunter over to you. The look in their eyes says "I'm finna get you." Time slows down, your head swims, now you can distinctly hear "Oh Yeah" by Yello playing. Day Bow-Bow...Chick-Chick-Chicka-Chick-Ka....They get closer, you're sweating horribly, they get closer, your heart is pounding, closer still, your friends pass around High Fives because everyone knows what's about to happen. You're gonna get it on. They are within 26 inches from you now, you poise yourself to say something when a familar tingle hits your sinuses. Instinctively, your head reels back to load your nose gun and then you mercilessly fire a powerful sneeze all over their face, hair, and neck. Silence. Horrible silence. Everyone is staring at you, the look in their eyes now says "Snot!". Do you...
a) Stiff arm your love in the throat, plow them down and take off, never looking back.
b) Rub your face against theirs, spreading some of your sneeze onto your own face, in a desperate form of pre-courtship vows to share the good and the bad.
c) Scream for a napkin the way George Clooney screamed for scalpals in ER and clean that fools face, stat.
2) Something has laid eggs in your cheek. Is it...
a) A spider?
b) A toad?
c) An ostrich?
3) Would you rather...
a) Wait in a 45 minute line for every meal you want to eat?
b) Have all your bowel movements broadcast internationally?
And finally, I would definitely want to smell like Bananas, but not candy Banana, whatever that flavor candy industries have created that they call Banana is one of the most wretched deformed cousins from the hard shell Fruit Family.
4 comments:
1)c
2)a
3)a
even though I would pull a Jeff Beal and plug my sneeze.
Garin,
First of all I'm honored to be featured in your second blog although that picture is rather old, I don't look quite that handsome anymore (this stuff is new to me so please be patient).
1-a I would high tail it out of there. Like Andy told Opie after his first heartbreak "There's plenty of fish in the sea son, and I'm sure you will find someone that actually wants you to sneeze in her face"
2 - b toad eggs are delicious and how convenient to be in such close proximity to my mouth
3 - b I could achieve cult-hero status in some Asian countries
B.
C. It has feathers that I'm certain are not from my pillow. Do they still use feathers for stuffing pillows? Some advertisements say they are, but I don't believe it... not with PETA breathing down everyone's neck.
A/B. A little bit of both. I think that what happens in the bathroom doesn't need to stay in the bathroom. Well, what is done in the bathroom needs to stay there but how its done doesn't. In a perfect world, nothing is secret and everything is out in the open! Including zippers.
I live by the Ferrara Pan candy company and I think the air smells like crap. I can't stand the smell. Anything fake smells bad. Excluding breast implants. They smell rather good.
I'm going to enjoy your blog! It really brings up some interesting things to think about. Like public poo-ation.
3) Would you rather...
a) Wait in a 45 minute line for every meal you want to eat?
b) Have all your bowel movements broadcast internationally?
I'm fine with "B." Are we talking just sound or sound and picture. Just sound - absolutely no problem. I think I would even add a few konking sounds to make people wonder. On a webcam or something, I might rethink. Because then who would be watching it other than really sick pervs who would be getting off on it. Ew.
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