What do I have that's new to offer the blog world? I did some googling and it seems very likely that my options are slim. So in an effort to keep this going and not getting discouraged like I always do with journals and the like, I'm going to dedicate the majority of this effort to creating "Would You Rather?" questions to spurn conversation or quickly end it.
Sure it tends to be a one-dimensional game based on options that near everyone would avoid if they could, but if the aversion is that strong by all means take a step back from this rabble and don't tell anyone you were here, I don't need "opinions" poisoning my temporary mystery.
I want to kick off this little exodus from the high brow with a topic very near and dear to my heart, The Chupacabra. In case you don't know, this mythic beast lives south of this here American border in Mexicolike and feeds off the blood of goats. The fact that there's actually some evidence of Chups (or possibly anything else) out there killing livestock is what tickles me more so than the ambiguous Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster. And yet Chups doesn't get nearly as much limelight as it's more popular brethren, probably because of a mix of it's unfortunate "appearance" and the fact that no one apart from pagans get their rocks off about goat blood. So in honor of the malevolent Chupacabra, I wish to pose the following questions about myths and shit. Responses are encouraged as these are questions, and questions kind of suck if no one ever answers them.
1) You're a wild vicious beast from one of Darwin's nightmares, would you rather...
a. Be captured and kept in captivity by scientists who perform primarily painless tests and occasionally parade you through the public.
b. Be revered as a God by native peoples, but hunted by bored rich white folks who want to put your head next to their replica Monet?
2) You've met the significant other of your dreams online. You trade headshots and chat for months before they finally ask you to come visit them. When you get there, you find they are, in fact, a centaur. Now they are the complete package as a mate, just with the bottom half of a horse. Do you…
a. Have a fun quasi-bestiality laden one-night stand?
b. Ride this out and see if there's really a connection?
c. High tail it out of there?
d. Put 'em down, sell their Birkenstock clad hooves for glue.
3) Would you rather…
a. Be the monster in some kid's closet?
b. Be that thing that brushes up against people's feet when they swim in the ocean?
c. Be the shadow that lurks down dark alleys?
Thanks for bearing with me so far. Maybe I'll see you around.
5 comments:
Yay! I'm already excited about this blog.
1) B. I prefer a 50% chance of 100% happiness over a 100% chance of 50% happiness.
2) B. (Love the puns.)
3) B, it's the least confining of the three.
A would-you-rather I got from Rory, a college friend: Would you rather (a) smell vaguely of fish--if you were on a crowded bus, people would think, "I think it smells like fish in here." Or (b) smell STRONGLY of bananas--as soon as you got on the bus, people'd say, "Pshew! That guy smells like BANANAS."
Good start, Garin! Keep plugging away at it. You'll find your voice. And probably a throat and tongue to go with it.
I appreciate the confidence Joe. I would appreciate your answers even more. Cough, Cough.
Dude,
Did you get my clever(?) responses? This crap is new to me.
Mr. B,
I want to be your publicist when you're famous for your poops in Japan. I enjoyed them greatly.
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